Funniest Parenting Jokes

Parenting, one of the toughest jobs there is, has it’s pros and cons. Being a parent isn’t easy, so you’ve got to learn ways to lighten up the mood with humor. Below are some of the most hilarious parenting jokes and jokes for adults. Enjoy!

1.     Rita Rudner

“I want to have kids, but it scares me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t wanna do anything that feels good for 36 hours straight!” – Rita Rudner

2.     Jerry Seinfeld

“Having a two-year-old is like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.” – Jerry Seinfeld

3.     Jim Gaffigan

“You wanna know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you drawing ;then someone hands you a baby.” – Jim Gaffigan

4.     Ray Romano

“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world, but they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.” – Ray Romano

5.     Nathan Timmel

“My daughter knew her alphabet and could count to 15 a little after she turned 2. Everyone told me she was advanced for her age, and I began having visions of my very own Doogie Howser. She’s about to turn 3, and yesterday I watched her try to put on a tank top as if it was pants for 20 minutes. I guess She’ll be my little Rain Man.” – Nathan Timmel

6.     Keith Alberstadt

“I have a friend who has no kids, but he has tattoos and he talks about them like they’re his kids. He says things like, ‘This is my oldest. It’s my favorite.’ This one was the result of a long night drinking.’ ‘This one can out a little darker than I expected.’ And so on.” – Keith Alberstadt

7.     Samantha Ruddy

“If I ever have kids, I’m going to be a nonsense parent. If my kid ever cries and throws a tantrum, I’ll be like, ‘I’ll give you something to cry about!’ And then I’ll make him watch Bambi.” – Samantha Ruddy

8.     Will Ferrell

“I sometimes equate it to what it must be like running a prison. What happens with three boys is you end up barking out orders like, ‘Upstairs now! Brush teeth! Lights out!’ There is so much chaos you can’t take the time to articulate.” – Will Ferrell

What are your favorite parenting jokes or jokes for kids?